Friday, May 10, 2002

I wanna disappear. I'm sick of everything. Why must I always be the suffering one? I'm tired of suffering, I'm tired of living, I'm so tired and sick of everything, I just wanna close my eyes and never wake up again, never go through this again, I'm suffering so much... I never thought I'd be like this... even though it's not the first time... I'm so stupid, it's all my fault, I always get way too envolved and then it happens the same all the time, I should already know, damn, why am I so stupid and keep making the same mistake? I should've learned not to trust people so much, especially the ones that already proved me they don't deserve it; but I can't, I always trust them and they always disappoint me, I'm so fuckin sick... I wanna be alone with my pain and never see someone again, never talk to someone again, never go through this again... I'm so sad, so sad, so sad...

Tuesday, May 07, 2002

1 post em português pk eu preciso de desabafar e este é o único blog k eu n uso e tenho kuase a certeza k nunka ng conhecido vai ler por isso... ontem o transmite perg se eu keria namorar c ele (detesto a expressão "pedir em namoro", n sei pk!). eu disse k n sabia. tou tão confusa!! por 1 lado n gosto dele a sério e n tou preparada p enfrentar o k certas pessoas (teresa, kiki, ivan...) iriam dizer; por outro, até gosto 1 beka dele, adoro tar c ele e n o kero magoar... aiaiai n sei o k fazer! ele foi p o porto, se calhar só o vejo p a semana, e jah tou a morrer de saudades!!!! mas é nakela, n gosto dele mmo a sério, n sei... jah passamos ttas cenas juntos... jah desde fevereiro k nos andamos a comer, jah fiz ttos filmes, sofri tto nakela altura desgraçada das férias da páscoa... e foi tão boa a sensação de acordar, abrir os olhos e vê-lo a dormir ao meu lado, abraçado a mim, e acordá-lo c 1 bjo... e ontem qd íamos no carro c mais 5 pessoas ao lado e ele me perguntou baixinho "queres namorar cmg?"... foi bué de fixe. e qd fomos a casa do daniel abraçados a falar... ai, to bué confusa, por 1 lado n me sinto preparada p namorar c ele, por outro, gostava de saber como seria... mas nem kero imaginar o k certas pessoas iriam dizer... a teresa nunka mais na vida me falava... e n sei se kero tar a enfrentar tta gente por causa dele... n sei, n sei... axo k tenho de falar c ele sobre isso. tenho saudades deleeee =\\

Monday, May 06, 2002

Dude! I haven't updated since November! It's a hell of a lotta time! My life has changed so much, and so many things had happened... Tina came back to live here, we're still the bestest friends in the world. I broke up with my bf some time ago. Now I'm going out with this guy called Transmite, but we have a kinda weird relationship. He was my friend Teresa's bf, then they broke up but still made out like every day. Then he started to be a really good friend of mine and I started to feel something for him, and he kept hitting on me and stuff, and at Parreira's bday party we made out. For 1 month we kept making out every day, we were always together and everyone knew, but it was nothing official. Then some really bad stuff happened, all my friends were mad with each other, it was a really tough time actually. So we "broke up" and we stopped talking with each other cuz he was a real jerk. But then after like 2 weeks we started talking again, we started to be good friends again and yea, we made out again. And we've been going out since then, but it's still nothing official. It's ok for me cuz I don't really *love* him, but I like him a lot, he's a sweetie. Last Friday we slept over at Tina's house and it was an incredible night. We didn't do it, lol, but it was really special. He said he loved me and stuff, but we haven't talked about it since then. Oh well. But I still haven't told you the best part of my life - now my life is all about trance. I'm sooo addicted to parties. I go to one (or 2) every weekend, I'm friends with lots of DJs (especially with Xico, he's my idol, he's the best DJ in the whole world!!!), I know almost everyone at parties (and everyone knows me! It's incredible how many ppl I have to say hi at parties)... yea, my life is trance. Definitely. I only feel happy at parties, I spend the whole week thinkin and talking about parties... and all my friends are like me. We all SO got into the trance thing. I'm gonna tattoo the trance symbol in my wrist =) Well, I guess that's it for now, I gtg study, argh, argh =\\\ i'll try to update someday... meanwhile go to my site www.deadjournal.com/users/wellah, it's in portuguese but ya =)******